Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
