just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize