I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
