It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
