went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
