i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
