I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
