omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
