I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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