Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
