we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
