peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
