I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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