mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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