you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
