Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
