here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
