just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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