I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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