Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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