5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
