I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
