The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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