I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
