Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
