Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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