I wanna bring you to show and tell
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
