if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
