WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
