see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
