if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
