I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
