you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
