I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
