Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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