I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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