I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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