My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
