just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
vagina is talking i cant
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
