we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
