i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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