I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
