I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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