I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
