How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
