it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
