Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
