My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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