she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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