tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
