Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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