party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
