Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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