Non-Jews are for practice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
