You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
