You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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