Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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