Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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