Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
