final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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