Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
