he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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