She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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