Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
